One desk, one chair, one pen and one paper. Shining surfaces of plastic wrapped the papers in a seal of uncertainty. To all who glanced upon them with curiosity and unease, the unknown contents and questions were filled with confidentiality as they sat in a stack, unopened. Hours of work, blood, sweat and tears were purely dependent on the letters inside. It had all come down to this moment. It was future-defining. Pressure. The paper had been bleached so white that it became difficult to see the questions. Crisp cut edges, so sharp and clean that the pages looked like straight thin razors piled on each other about to slice my fingers. A glowing gloss glided across the front page. Smooth fresh wafts of adhesive ink and chemical compounds hung in the air. The bare walls stood stripped naked encaving the scent and span it around the room uncontrollably. The invigilators mumbling was muffled by the ticking. Ticking. Ticking. I opened the first page.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Walls of cement encaved around me, restricting my movement. An epidemic of anxiety spread like a viral infection contaminating every student in the room. The pounding of my heart synchronized to the pounding of the clock. Tick tock tick tock. Flashes of crimson tinted my cheeks as the pressure of my blood intensified dramatically. Beads dripped down my face. Precipitation formed like droplets on the window clouding it with mist like a barrier to the outside world. Confined to this one exam, this one paper, without any escape. Uncontrollably, hurricanes of unrelated thoughts blazed around in my head, whirling like the wind.
Tick tock tick tock.
Scrambled letters lined the page as they formed stringed sentences requiring answers of extreme detail and knowledge. It was a “formal assessment of my ability to express original and unique ideas” but I had to simultaneously coincide to the specific syllabus. It was torture. Having to recall each little detail that we had learned months ago physically hurt. Shooting pains darted down my head and stuck my temples. Crashes rumbled through my veins throbbing in my head as loudly as cymbals do in a marching band, yet around me, there were only the echoes of scribbling. My legs were stiff yet shaking, uncontrollably. The chair creaked below. Red checkers ran up my kilt encasing me in a brand as if I was a product in a shop, a label, a number.
Tick tock tick tock.
Spiralling down to reality my fingers wrapped themselves around my slippery pen and griped over the garishly white exam paper. It stared back at me, blinking with confusion. Quivering hands went back and forth. The millionth heavy sigh escaped my lips. Corridors full of knowledge, spilling over capacity with information, escaped from the locked cell, the prison cell of my brain. The blockage of ideas became slightly dislodged as they seeped through to my hand. I was more than capable, but the thoughts were covered in fog and seemed clouded from me. Somewhat inaccessible. Where a creative downpour of ideas would normally flow straight onto the page in class, today came nothing but a trickle. Slithering and slipping. They slid down and struck my hand like a dripping stream.
Tick tock tick tock.
Striking steps scattered around, surrounding the room in silence. My pen dropped. Faces were watching. I waited for the chime. My stomach churned. Threads of intertwining tissue weaved within each other and knitted together forming clogs and chains which twisted in my stomach. My mechanisms were unwinding. Unravelling. I’d stopped being in control. Time slowed down. The second hand, which seemed to scrutinizingly linger at every passing second. almost came to a standstill.
Tick tock tick tock.
I handed in the paper. My fate slipped away from within the grasp of my fingers and rested in somebody else's hand. It was over. The clock stuck to another hour. Only time will tell. It was done. It was a new beginning. It was a new chapter in my life. It was gone. In life, your time is numbered. Every hour, every exam, every event. It's precious. Can you hear your clock ticking?
Tick tock tick tock.